Wally Watch: Where we read Wally Hall so you don't have to.

Oct. 4, 2007: Monk returning good for Hogs, not for him.

Primary Theme: For the sake of his NFL career, wide receiver Marcus Monk probably shouldn't play this season.

Choice Analogy: None. Reading a Wally Wall column without a groan-inducing comparison is like discovering that Britney Spears is a good parent.

God Watch: No holy references. Goddamnit! Wally, you're making this hard!

Redundant Phrasing (Or, We Have to Find Something to Bitch About!): Wally begins the column with three straight sentences that encompass the "absolutely, positively no doubt" phrase. It's a bit of a mouthful.

Our Analysis: This piece is proof that the sun does occasionally rise in the West. It's well-written, doesn't bounce from point to unrelated point, and has a clear and reasonable central thesis: As much as it would hurt the Razorbacks' 2007 season, it very well may be best for Marcus to sit this year out. And although the Hogs desperately need a capable receiver, it's hard not to agree.

Just One More Thing: As a note to the editors of the Democrat-Gazette, bring the real Wally back! We're not sure what you've done with (or to?) him, but the imposter who wrote today's column is simply no fun for us to talk about.