Ever since the shocking news broke that Jim Grobe was returning to Wake Forest, the entire Expats staff has been frantically working the phones to figure out what went wrong. Luckily, we have contacts deep within the Razorback Foundation, and we've learned that Grobe's decision was based on these five reasons:

1. Negotiations hit an impasse when the Razorback Foundation wouldn't give him a cell phone plan with unlimited text messaging.

2. Was promised that his name would be displayed on banners all over the state...then he found out what that meant.

3. Beck Campbell wouldn't sign off on the hire until Grobe could talk Pete Carroll into guaranteeing playing time for her Mitchy.

4. Read some Razorback message boards and realized that, by taking the job, he was denying Jimmy Johnson the opportunity to come home and fulfill his lifelong dream. Being a noble guy, Grobe didn't want to stand in the way.

5. Learned about the unbreakable voodoo curse that Houston Nutt put on the program before leaving...like Davis, Tuberville, Bowden, Fisher and countless others, he didn't want to deal with that.