Rasputin Unveils His Florida Game Prediction. What's Yours?
by Arkansas Expats on Oct 16, 2009 10:30 AM CDT
in Arkansas Razorback Football
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In anticipation of tomorrow's battle against Florida, we consulted Rasputin, our staff soothsayer, to get his forecast for the game. A Russian immigrant who claims to be hundreds of years old and who sleeps every night in a chamber of pure oxygen, Rasputin has been a rabid Razorbacks football fan since the program's debut in 1894.
To predict tomorrow's game, Rasputin attempted to completely inhabit the mind of a Floridian, to understand how he might think and what he might be capable of on the field. Therefore, he cut his hair into a mullett and has spent much of the week cavorting around in jorts, downing 12-pack after 12-pack of Natural Light, blasting Molly Hatchet records and getting confused by butterfly ballots. Here's Rasputin:
"Intestine of goat in the witches' stew, here's my game prediction for you!
I foresee a tough afternoon for the Hogs and those who shower affection on them, particularly if mighty warrior Michael Smith's hamstring hasn't responded to the bleeding I recommended to the Arkansas training staff.
The Hogs will play with a mighty spirit and will enter the zone that marks the end of the field on occasion, but this is the No. 1 band of warriors in the country, one headed by mighty Tebow, the leader of the Blame Pagan Soothsayers First crowd.
I would love nothing more than to consume many, many cases of Russian vodka to celebrate a triumph by the pig emblazoned warriors, but it is not to be ...
The mighty warriors of Florida 31, Arkansas 17.
Well, that's enough from Rasputin. Let's hear from you, both in the poll and in the comments thread.
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Not this year...
and especially if Michael Smith isn’t 100%. Here’s hoping that Joe Adams has rubbed his “take every catch to the house” mojo off on the other super sophomore receivers. Best of luck, boys, take a few Gator helmets off by mashing your facemask into them please.
As much as I want to see it the other way
I picked Florida. Anything can happen (that’s why they play the game!), but it sure looks like the gator defense will be tough to score on. It’ll be tough to get the run going and the pass rush may cause us serious problems. Hey, but if we can just hang in there until the 4th quarter…………………….
Out of the Spiritus Mundi
I do have a feeling that the cosmic forces of karma and isn’t it about time the Hogs beat the Gators is rising towards a victory in Gainesville. I have had this feeling all week. But Apollonian reason, the light of that says the Gators win on Saturday against a still suspect defense that can all of a sudden look like it did in the late 3rd quarter of the Auburn game. I voted with that in mind. But I will remember this feeling if the Hogs should pull off an upset.
Message from Nostradamus:
Not So FAST, Rasputin – You beady-eyed Svengali of a prognosticator!
Despite your charmingly loquacious predictions, I must disagree and diverge from your doomsday forecast! The Sus Scrofas shall pull ahead of the Alligator Mississippiensises prior to the dithytrambic marching of the bands with a score of 23-21. Afterward it shall become an equilibrium of defensive excellence from both of the teams. The Alligator Mississippiensises shall acquire a triad of points from a Goal of the Field and resume the superior quantity late in the 3rd quarter. Fortunately, this will serve only to enliven the backing players of the Sus Scrofas. The backing of the quarter shall throw a touchdown pass and the backing of the half shall achieve the feet with bipedal acceleration. The Sus Scrofas shall achieve an overtopping of the Alligator Mississippiensises 37 to 24!
You'll find Florida's defense to be extremely fast.
But you probably already know that. Since your offense is hitting on many cylinders, maybe you have a better chance than we did. Best of luck!
I am starting to dread Rasputin's prognostications.
Hey, Ras……….just pick us for the remainder of the games. If you pick us to lose another one, you can forget about being friends on facebook.
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